Where have you BEEN?!?!

Where, indeed.

I let this blog kind of lapse, because there wasn’t much going on. We were just kind of hanging out in limbo. Traipsing from one place to another. Getting to see lovely old friends and getting to meet lovely new people. Getting to deal with my character defects and getting to see some old drama meet its timely end. But not much to write about, really.

Or maybe I could have written about it, but, as the new year dawned, everything and nothing was changing. The day-to-day details about where we were and what we were doing were ever-changing, but the big picture remained the same. Limbo. Floating. Waiting. We used many terms to describe it, but it all amounted to nothing much.

And then we finally came to a place where it felt like it was time to make a decision.

We read a quote in The Soul of Money by Lynne Twist, which now I cannot for the life of me find to quote word for word, but I’ll try to paraphrase as accurately as I can: when we live a life of always keeping our options open, we can never choose anything.  We can never take the interesting-seeming job, because a better job might be offered down the road.  We can never enter into a relationship with a person because the perfect soulmate may be just around the corner.

That struck us right in the face.

We put the book down and immediately launched into discussion of the decisions we needed to make.  The first, and biggest: where to live.  The realization dawned on us that we’ve been waiting for the Universe to send us THE ANSWER to this question for months, and the Universe was sitting back, patiently waiting for us to make the decision.

So then we realized that we could choose anywhere we wanted.  Anywhere!  So the question then became, where would we want to live if we could live anywhere we wanted?

This set off paroxysms of fear, anxiety and paralysis in me.  Weird, huh?  It seems like such a freeing question!  But for me, having so many options increased my fear.  I was so certain that there was a right answer to this question, and having a virtually limitless number of options, increased, exponentially, the odds that I would pick the wrong one.

(I know, I know.  It’s my brain, but I’m not always completely in control of how it works.)

After tons of freaking out (my specialty), I was finally able to make a decision only by telling myself it was for the next year only.  After the lease is up, we could change our minds and go somewhere else.  It was only that that freed me up to make a decision.

So, we wound up in Austin, Texas.  I know!  We haven’t lived in Texas in a long long time (went to high school in Houston), but Austin is like it’s own little country inside of Texas.

We’ve been here two months now, and we love love love it.  We’ll see how the summer goes, but the people and the support and the Divine appointments have been nothing short of amazing.  We are more blessed than we had any expectation of being, that’s for certain.

And now for the big announcement:  We are going back to South Africa, in less than two weeks.

 

So that’s where we’ve been, a bit about where we’re going, and more to come…tomorrow.

2 thoughts on “Where have you BEEN?!?!

  1. I always had a hard time making decisions even when I was very young. I remember my mom telling me I could go in the soda shop and buy a candy bar. She gave me a dime and waited in the car. I think I was about 5. Sometime later she walked in and said “Pam, this isn’t the last candy bar you’re ever gonna get.” I still have many times in my adult life to remember her exasperated words to me.

  2. I love that, Pam. I can soooo relate.

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