The Not-Knowing

The not-knowing is a powerful place to be. We as a people are uncomfortable with not knowing. I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing, or a hard-wired thing, but most people I know (including myself) prefer the known to the unknown, the routine to change. We might say we like change, but we structure our lives in such a way that change is rare: we get up at the same time each morning, drive the same route to the same job, eat at familiar restaurants, watch the same tv shows at the end of the day.

Most people pretty much know the way their day is going to go before they live it. We structure it that way. It’s comforting. It’s safe. I’ll be completely honest here and say that I like comfort and safety. I think most people do.

So the not-knowing is neither comfortable nor safe. It’s uncertain. Conversations about our lives, now that we are in this place, inevitably come down to one question, that we have been asked dozens of times, “so what are you going to do?”

And our answer, over and over and over again, is “I don’t know.”

But we say it with a smile on our faces, because we ask ourselves the same question, because we know that it’s a commonality we all share—wanting to know. And also because we believe that we’re in the right place—we’re in the place of not-knowing. And if we stay there long enough, the way forward will become clear.

So, there we were. No job, no real pressing reason to be worried about a job right away. No kids, no pets, just the two of us. So what do we do?

We went camping. On a Tuesday. Why not?

We went camping at Roaring River State Park near Cassville, Missouri. Beautiful place, if you’re ever in the neighborhood. This is a landmark spot for us, because 22 years ago we also camped in that park, right before Martin landed a job that put an end to his last season of unemployment, a very stressful and fearful three month long season. So this is a significant place for us. A book-end, so to speak.

We just spent time together and out in nature. I did some numerology on the two of us and found out some interesting stuff (for those of you who know, or care, about numerology, I found out that Martin is in a nine year, which for those of you who don’t know, means that this is his year to shed the things that aren’t working for him. Understatement much?)

And we talked. About possibilities, about what we’d like to do, where we’d like to live. We came to a few conclusions:

1. We are absolutely safe from destitution. We are not going to wind up homeless and starving (my first worry—I said I was the freaker-outer in the relationship already, didn’t I?).
2. We want to take some time. This has the feel to us of a deliberate move by the Universe to get our attention. The timing, the books we’ve been reading, the synchronicities we’ve been experiencing…this was no accidental event. It has the feel of something big and we don’t want to try to force it by wrestling our plans into place—let’s wait and let the Universe show us what it’s trying to show us.
3. We want to go on a vacation.


So next I’ll be writing more about this vacation idea and what that’s about.  In the meantime, leave me a comment, a suggestion, what have you.  I’m still working on the blog format, so if you know of a feature I’ve left out, please feel free to suggest.

Thanks for reading.  Seriously.

WordPress theme: Kippis 1.15

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: